48) Funny People
My new job as a cleaner was certainly an eye opener for me. I have been very fortunate to have good clients, kind and appreciative people. They have given me many smiles though.
I have some clients who are fanatical about cleanliness and others who never think that there is anything that needs doing in their homes even if it looks a bit like a pigsty. One day when I arrived at the home of one of the first type I started to enquire about her husbands health as he had been in hospital the week before. Before I could finish my question she said “Marina something terrible happened” I thought that her husband must have taken a turn for the worst but she continued “I found a dead cockroach”. Hubby was still in hospital and getting better so his health was not such a big worry as the “dead cockroach”
The agency gave me a stand-in job to do. The customer’s regular cleaner was on holiday and so they asked me to clean the gentleman’s house for three weeks. On the first visit I noted that the regular cleaner never dusted the skirting board or behind any of the doors, the dust there was very thick. I gave them a good wipe over and also the windowsills that had also been neglected. When the hour and a half was up I took my form to the gentleman to be signed. He was sitting in front of the television with his bandaged leg up on a stool. He was very appreciative and said, “Thank you so much, you are very thorough”. I was pleased that he had noticed and a little proud of myself. After I had been there for three weeks I felt that I had left the house into a much better state than I had found it. On my last visit before the return of his usual cleaner I said, “Well goodbye now, I won’t be here next week as your regular lady will be back from holiday”. He was very puzzled and asked me what I meant. I told him once more “the lady who usually does your cleaning will be back next week, so I wont be coming”. He said, “Oh aren’t you my regular cleaner?” So much for my pride in the way the house was looking, he did not even notice that I was a different person.
One of my very first clients only required her me to do her shopping and her ironing. She had another helper who came a different day to do her housework. She liked to have all her underwear ironed. I would spend about an hour and a half every week ironing and folding her socks, panties and nighties and placing them in exactly the correct place in her cupboards and draws. The white socks needed to be ironed and folded one way, the pink and blue ones a different way, except for the pink ones with the flowers on, those she liked to have folded in yet another fashion.
One lovely client who was not very house proud used to say, “Forget about the cleaning, come and sit and have a cup of tea and a chat instead. Her eye sight was failing so she could not see the dust and was quite happy for me just to give it a lick and a promise and I had to be very strong to get the work done. She was a private client not one that I had got through the agency, she was not getting any government subsidies but I did feel that she was paying me to clean and I needed to get as much done as I could. Once, on the day before I was due to clean there she phoned me and told me that she was not feeling very well and maybe I should not come. She did not want to infect me with what ever she had. I told her that I was not concerned that I would catch anything and arranged to call on her as planned. When I arrived at her house she did not answer the door, even though I knocked on both the front door and the back and on the bedroom window. I hoped that she had been taken into hospital or that she had gone to stay with her son and daughter-in-law and just forgotten about me. I found that I did not have her daughters-in-laws phone number with me but as soon as I got home I phoned her and she went and opened up. She found the lady had passed away in her sleep. I was sad, as we were becoming good friends.
Another lady told me that her husband had a touch of dementia and that she was very concerned about him. Trying to reassure her I asked if she was not worrying too much as we all become a little forgetful when we get older. She said “No my dear, when your husband gets up in the morning and puts on your panties instead of his own you have to admit that there is something wrong”
Another lady, a gentle soul with an obvious touch of dementia gave me the biggest laugh of them all. She lived alone but could no longer manage to clean her house or cook her own meals; her sister lived in the house next door to her and kept an eye on things. I never met the sister but she often left notes for me or telephoned to speak to me while I was there. One day the client asked me if I would be prepared to get some blood stains off her lounge carpet. She said that she had a special cleaner but was not able to bend down any more. I said that was fine and she showed me a small trail of blood stains that she wanted me to clean up. While I was working on them I asked her how they had got there and she told me that she had cut her arm and that she could not stop the bleeding and in fact she had called the ambulance and had been taken into hospital to have it stitched. I laughingly said, “As long as they are not the blood of your last cleaning lady who you murdered, dismembered and buried in the garden. I would hate to think I was destroying the forensic evidence” As I finished saying it I thought ‘Maybe I should not have said that, she might not understand what I mean’ But she saw the joke and was still laughing when the phone rang. It was her sister, she said “Yes Betty, Marina is here, yes Betty, she has changed the sheets, yes Betty she has cleaned the bathroom, now she is cleaning the blood stains off the carpet. Betty, she wants to know if they are from my last cleaning lady that I murdered, dismembered and buried in the garden” Then a long silence, then “No Betty, it was a joke Betty, she did not mean it Betty, she was joking” As I listened I could not help wondering which sister had the dementia.
Once a new client told me that she did not want me to park my car in her driveway, I was to leave it on the road. I was not to use the front door but to come in at the back and not to leave my bag in the lounge in case “someone might call and see it there”. When I asked her about her family she was very offish and said “I do not wish to discuss my family with you” Obviously I was the cleaning lady and she did not wish to fraternise with me. But I have been going there for over a year now and she has become much friendlier although she is rather reserved and does not open up and tell me all her problems they way some of my clients do. They tell me about their children, their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren too. Some of them are very muddled and forgetful and tell me the same story week after week or else they tell me a story one week and the exact opposite the next week. One week the daughter-in-law will be one step away from an angel and the next week she will be the worst woman in the world. I can’t work out if they are talking about a different daughter-in-law or if the same daughter-in-law had just done something unkind during the week.
My job is meant to keep the elderly in their own homes longer and I know that this is what they want but I often wonder if some of them would be better off in a nursing home with people around them. I think loneliness is their biggest problem although most of them would not admit it. What they really need is people who have the time to sit and chat, to listen to their problems and to all the many stories they have to tell about their long lives. The government provide a great service but all of us are busy and do not have the time to just sit and chat.
I have some clients who are fanatical about cleanliness and others who never think that there is anything that needs doing in their homes even if it looks a bit like a pigsty. One day when I arrived at the home of one of the first type I started to enquire about her husbands health as he had been in hospital the week before. Before I could finish my question she said “Marina something terrible happened” I thought that her husband must have taken a turn for the worst but she continued “I found a dead cockroach”. Hubby was still in hospital and getting better so his health was not such a big worry as the “dead cockroach”
The agency gave me a stand-in job to do. The customer’s regular cleaner was on holiday and so they asked me to clean the gentleman’s house for three weeks. On the first visit I noted that the regular cleaner never dusted the skirting board or behind any of the doors, the dust there was very thick. I gave them a good wipe over and also the windowsills that had also been neglected. When the hour and a half was up I took my form to the gentleman to be signed. He was sitting in front of the television with his bandaged leg up on a stool. He was very appreciative and said, “Thank you so much, you are very thorough”. I was pleased that he had noticed and a little proud of myself. After I had been there for three weeks I felt that I had left the house into a much better state than I had found it. On my last visit before the return of his usual cleaner I said, “Well goodbye now, I won’t be here next week as your regular lady will be back from holiday”. He was very puzzled and asked me what I meant. I told him once more “the lady who usually does your cleaning will be back next week, so I wont be coming”. He said, “Oh aren’t you my regular cleaner?” So much for my pride in the way the house was looking, he did not even notice that I was a different person.
One of my very first clients only required her me to do her shopping and her ironing. She had another helper who came a different day to do her housework. She liked to have all her underwear ironed. I would spend about an hour and a half every week ironing and folding her socks, panties and nighties and placing them in exactly the correct place in her cupboards and draws. The white socks needed to be ironed and folded one way, the pink and blue ones a different way, except for the pink ones with the flowers on, those she liked to have folded in yet another fashion.
One lovely client who was not very house proud used to say, “Forget about the cleaning, come and sit and have a cup of tea and a chat instead. Her eye sight was failing so she could not see the dust and was quite happy for me just to give it a lick and a promise and I had to be very strong to get the work done. She was a private client not one that I had got through the agency, she was not getting any government subsidies but I did feel that she was paying me to clean and I needed to get as much done as I could. Once, on the day before I was due to clean there she phoned me and told me that she was not feeling very well and maybe I should not come. She did not want to infect me with what ever she had. I told her that I was not concerned that I would catch anything and arranged to call on her as planned. When I arrived at her house she did not answer the door, even though I knocked on both the front door and the back and on the bedroom window. I hoped that she had been taken into hospital or that she had gone to stay with her son and daughter-in-law and just forgotten about me. I found that I did not have her daughters-in-laws phone number with me but as soon as I got home I phoned her and she went and opened up. She found the lady had passed away in her sleep. I was sad, as we were becoming good friends.
Another lady told me that her husband had a touch of dementia and that she was very concerned about him. Trying to reassure her I asked if she was not worrying too much as we all become a little forgetful when we get older. She said “No my dear, when your husband gets up in the morning and puts on your panties instead of his own you have to admit that there is something wrong”
Another lady, a gentle soul with an obvious touch of dementia gave me the biggest laugh of them all. She lived alone but could no longer manage to clean her house or cook her own meals; her sister lived in the house next door to her and kept an eye on things. I never met the sister but she often left notes for me or telephoned to speak to me while I was there. One day the client asked me if I would be prepared to get some blood stains off her lounge carpet. She said that she had a special cleaner but was not able to bend down any more. I said that was fine and she showed me a small trail of blood stains that she wanted me to clean up. While I was working on them I asked her how they had got there and she told me that she had cut her arm and that she could not stop the bleeding and in fact she had called the ambulance and had been taken into hospital to have it stitched. I laughingly said, “As long as they are not the blood of your last cleaning lady who you murdered, dismembered and buried in the garden. I would hate to think I was destroying the forensic evidence” As I finished saying it I thought ‘Maybe I should not have said that, she might not understand what I mean’ But she saw the joke and was still laughing when the phone rang. It was her sister, she said “Yes Betty, Marina is here, yes Betty, she has changed the sheets, yes Betty she has cleaned the bathroom, now she is cleaning the blood stains off the carpet. Betty, she wants to know if they are from my last cleaning lady that I murdered, dismembered and buried in the garden” Then a long silence, then “No Betty, it was a joke Betty, she did not mean it Betty, she was joking” As I listened I could not help wondering which sister had the dementia.
Once a new client told me that she did not want me to park my car in her driveway, I was to leave it on the road. I was not to use the front door but to come in at the back and not to leave my bag in the lounge in case “someone might call and see it there”. When I asked her about her family she was very offish and said “I do not wish to discuss my family with you” Obviously I was the cleaning lady and she did not wish to fraternise with me. But I have been going there for over a year now and she has become much friendlier although she is rather reserved and does not open up and tell me all her problems they way some of my clients do. They tell me about their children, their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren too. Some of them are very muddled and forgetful and tell me the same story week after week or else they tell me a story one week and the exact opposite the next week. One week the daughter-in-law will be one step away from an angel and the next week she will be the worst woman in the world. I can’t work out if they are talking about a different daughter-in-law or if the same daughter-in-law had just done something unkind during the week.
My job is meant to keep the elderly in their own homes longer and I know that this is what they want but I often wonder if some of them would be better off in a nursing home with people around them. I think loneliness is their biggest problem although most of them would not admit it. What they really need is people who have the time to sit and chat, to listen to their problems and to all the many stories they have to tell about their long lives. The government provide a great service but all of us are busy and do not have the time to just sit and chat.
posted by MC @ 4:46 PM
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