5) Things to Learn

One of the things we had to do when we came to Australia was to learn to speak Australian. Yes, I know it is still English but they speak it so differently. First of all they have different words for so many things. The vehicle that would be called a van in England became a bakkie when I moved to Africa and now it has changed once again to a ute. A current account is a cheque account, a bottle store is a bottle shop (English Off-licence), flip-flops are thongs, (open sandals) bathing costumes are called swimmers, a braai is a barbie (a barbeque). A smoke break is a smoko and a day’s sick leave is a sickie. No one here takes a day’s sick leave they “chuck a sickie”. A chicken is a chook, a sausage is a snag, candyfloss is fairy floss and all sweets are lollies. A working man could either be a Postie – a postman, or a Journo – a Journalist, or maybe a Fisho – a fishmonger. If you put your nose into someone else’s business you are a stickybeak and if you tell porkys you are untruthful. If you are lazy you are a bludger and if your business in not completely above board, it could be classed as shonky. If you are happy-go-lucky and a bit of a dare devil you could be a larrikin and you would be pretty stoked – pleased with life. As a child in England every year at Christmas time we had Tangerines, then I went to Africa and the same fruit became Nartjies. Now once again they have changed their name as in Australia they are called Mandarins. I assure this is fair dinkum – true.

In many cases they pronounce English in a more logical way than the English people do. ‘Berkleyvale’ is said ‘Berkleyevale’ not ‘Barkleyvale’ as an Englishman would say so I am learning to say things in the Australian way so that they will understand me. There is one word I will not give in on though “maroon”. I have spent the last six years trying to re-educate the average Australian that ‘maroon’ is maroon not ‘marone’. I tell them that they would not call our lunar satellite the ‘mone’ but the ‘moon’. They are prepared to accept that Robinson Crusoe was not ‘maroned’ he was marooned but they will not budge over the colour. You might think that this word would not often come up in everyday conversations so it can hardly be an issue but you would be wrong. Every year the rugby league holds a competition between the New South Wales team and the Queensland team. The competition is called “State of Origin” and the best of three games is the winner. The New South Wales Team wear blue uniforms and are called the ‘Blues’, the Queensland team wear ‘maroon’ uniforms and are called the ‘Marones’. I spend the few weeks of the competition blocking my ears and pulling out my hair. 

Accents are rather amazing things; why on earth do so many of the people who live in this part but the world talk in such a strange way. Also Australians talk too fast. Or as one man once said to Jonny “I will talk slowly, because I know you can only listen slowly”. When we first arrived we were introduced to EFTPOS. EFTPOS is an Australian and New Zealand system that enables you to draw cash from any shop. Maybe this is available in South Africa now but when we left it was not and I am sure the equivalent is available in the rest of the modern world. It was a wonderful convenience to be able to use my bankcard not only in the ATM machine but also in most shops too. It was great not to have to carry much cash with us but also not to have to worry about being embarrassed that we did not have enough money on us when we got to the cash desk. For a little while we did not understand when the check out girls asked us, “duwancashowt?” It was only when we were told that money could be drawn from the supermarket check outs that we realised that what they were saying was “Do you want any cash out?” We did have so much to learn.